BLOODY SCARED (PART II)

Yasuhiro Sensei, the teacher sitting next to me, has just tried to dispell my bear fears. He unconvincingly attempted to convince me that Japanese bears aren't brutal and are, in fact, cute. Showing me a 'cute' anime bear on his computer he turned to another teacher for support. But the other teacher was on my side, the side of TRUTH and excitedly told us of how a bear came within 100 M of his house this year scaring the crap out of him. Luckily, he said, there was a river between me and the man-mauling ferocious beast (not his words, but same meaning). But persistent Yasuhiro was keen to show me there is nothing to be afraid of. A true friend he is, but never having gone camping or hiking, I personally think he doesn't know what he's talking about.
So he checked the Japanese internet and here's what he found. In Miyagi prefecture (the small prefecture that I live in) alone, there have already been 5 bear attacks this year (we're still in March). There were an additional 209, yes, two hundred and nine、bears shot for the 'possiblity' of attack (ie. they were roaming the streets looking for food/small children/Irish people). He looked a bit surprised at these results and now has given up on trying to reassure me.

BLOODY SCARED

I've developed this fear since being in Japan. Almost to the point of a phobia, I'm scared of bears. I don't know why, having never even seen a bear, much less been mauled by one. But I regularly think about them, especially before going to bed. And with Spring on the way I'll be camping again. And this year I want to do some solo camping. Back to nature and all that. I asked my Japanese teacher where I could get a gun or a machete, but she just laughed. And then went on to tell me that because this winter was so warm it messed with the bears hibernation cycles and there were many more attacks than usual. What the hell?
Looking for images to put on my blog, I typed in 'bear attack' to the google image search. God, I nearly through up. Maybe I should just bring a slow friend.

STANDING ON CEREMONY

The academic year has just ended in Japan. Each year at this time job position changes are announced. Teachers are transferred to different schools, government employees to different townhalls, etc.
Three teachers and the principal have been transferred from my junior high.The year officially ends on March 31st, but our farewell ceremony was held yesterday.. All very formal of course, in the gym with speeches and flowers, etc.
Following the ceremony students and teachers lined up outside. Making a human path from the school entrance to the carpark. In movie star the teachers parted to a continuous round of applause. Bowing and shaking hands with everyone as they slowly made their way out. There were even a few tears.
Today they're all back at their desks.

BRAKE PAD BARN

"What's that grinding noise? Must be ice." I'm thinking aloud. But the snow melted days ago. Maybe something is jammed in there. Have a look. Nothing. But in the back of my mind I know it's the brake disc. I'm just fooling myself with other theories.
So I call round to see Hiroyuki. He's the super-cool guy that works at my local petrol station. Despite understanding virtually nothing he says I feel a bond between us.
He tells me it's the brake disc. He tells me he can't fix it. "Go to a proper garage" he tells me. I ask for a recomendation. "Yellow Hat?" I suggest the big franchise in town. He shakes his head, sucking air through his teeth like only the Japanese can. He looks at me again. I tell him I want his recommendation.
I follow him into the 'office'. He makes a phone call. I understand nothing. He bows into the phone like only the Japanese do.
"Sazaki Bankin", he says, pointing east. Two kilometres from here on that road he explains. I know that road, there is no garage on it. But I agree to go and thank him. He asks when. I tell him I'll go after payday. But forgetting the Japanese word, I just say "bank, money, come, wednesday", in that order. He understands. I think he understands. I grind my way out of the petrol station.
It's now wednesday. I'm on the road. There's no garage. I go back for directions. Maps are shown and words are misunderstood. It's not a garage. It's a house. Okay, I go.
I find the place. A farm house, a barn, a greenhouse, a garden. I call to the door. A lady answers, surprised to see me. Today's a holiday she tells me. 'Should've went to Yellow Hat', I think.Now it's thursday, I've been grinding for about a week. I call back to the house/garden/greenhouse place. I meet the man. Sazaki, I presume. Working in the barn. Wearing overalls and accompanied by a young apprentice, Sazaki junior I presume. I say 'brake pad' and point. I show him the greasy scrap of paper on which Hiroyuki scribbled the problem. He waves it away. I know he tells me, 'Hiroyuki called me'. He points to the driver seat and I nod. He drives it for a minute. The apprentice jacks it up and takes both tyres off. Head shaking and tutting from the apprentice as the man just stands back sucking air through his teeth.
He explains something to me. I don't understand. i just ask how much.
'Ma-ku sensei', I hear someone screech. One of my elementary students, Yuki, comes whizzing round the corner on his unicyle. "Ma-ku" he calls again as if possibly I didn't hear him the first time, he pulls to a hault in front of me. This is his house apparently and Sazaki is his uncle.
The men get to work on the car. Sazaki points at a table inside the barn and says 'stobu' - stove, indicating that I sit where it's warm. I dander over. amazed by the heat as I get closer. This homemade contraption seems to be mostly formed from an old oil drum, I'm impressed. The table also looks to be homemade, just a big chunk of tree placed on a base. I sit down and look around. An old car radio above me, wired into some dusty old speakers it emits Norah Jones and Japanese commentary. Some rickity stairs near the wall lead to somewhere unseen.
As Sazaki junior dismantles my old brake pads, Sazaki senior arrives with some new ones, apparently from the greenhouse. He asks me do I have time. Thirty minutes he asks. I tell him sure and look at the clock. It's 4:17.
Junior gets to work and Sazaki senior chats with me. Where are you from, how's the weather there, how long have you been in Japan, etc, etc. Explaining that Ireland is a small island next to England he, like all other Japanese, concludes that it's a very cold country. "Not as cold as here" I tell him. In comes the nephew carrying a new, expensive-looking globe from the farm house. Both uncle and nephew 'ohh' and 'ahh' when I tell them it's thirteen hourse by plane.
Sazaki puts the globe on the table next to a jar of candy and some old drill bits, but little Yuki isn't deterred. He asks where I've been. I ask where he wants to go. Looking reluctant I entice him with destinations like 'Hawaii, Australia, Africa', he pauses, thinks, turns the globe upside down and with conviction points to Antarctica. "Me too", I laugh.
I exit the warm barn to watch the Sazaki's at work. Yuki distracts me with his collection of baseball bats and broken boomerang. And before I had time to see what was being done, the wheels were back on and Sazaki san is telling me 'OK'. I pay the man 11 000 yen- about fifty quid - and thank him. The clock says 4:30.

MARRY YOUR COUSIN

I'm reading 'A Short History of Nearly Everything' by Bill Bryson at the minute. In fact, I've been reading it for over two years, but that's a reflection of my laziness, not the book's intrigue. Anyway, I just came across a quote I wanted to share.
"Having married his own cousin, Darwin glumly suspected that certain physical and mental frailties among his children arose from a lack of diversity in his family tree."
Brilliant.

YOUNG SAMURAI

Talking to one of my elementary school kids this week he told his uncle had been cut. "Kitta", he said making a wide arc across his chest using his finger as the blade. It seemed like a strange thing to say, but kids do that. And with my poor Japanese I rarely unstand the context anyway. But there's nothing wrong with is uncle, he was there also. Maybe it was a long time ago.
But it made me think. Any of my students could be great grandchildren of Samurai. It was less than 140 years ago that the Samurai period ended and that's not a lot of generations. I had better think twice before crossing my students.

HAPPY !?!

There is no doubt about the beauty of Japanese culture. In this safe, secure and structured society politeness, loyalty and a strong work ethic are found in abundance. Japan is a country of many great things. Of patience and endurance and of tolerance. But sometimes I wonder just how happy a country it is. With relentless pressure to work long hours, strict workplace and social hierarchies and always having to put the group first. The need to conform and the need to keep face often ensure people do what they should and not what they want. Of course, these are just my stereotyped views and I don't know very much.
Last year in the Philippines I met the happiest people I've ever met. Everywhere I went people had nothing but their families and their happiness. It seemed so unusual for those who had the least to be happiest. Upon my return I spoke of this to one of the Japanese teachers. She told me, "long ago before Japan was rich, the children were very happy. Always playing and laughing, and the adults too. Now it is not the same."
Even now, over a year later, I still think about her words nearly every day.

ST PADDY'S DAY

Wanting to celebrate St Paddy's in style this year, I organised a wee shindig at mine. Getting people to come all the way up here into the mountains is no easy feat. But advertising my 'famous' Irish Stew soon drew a crowd. A mixed bunch of party animals showed up from all over. Americans, Trinidadians, Kiwis, Guatamalans, South Africans and Japanese of course. There was even a couple of girls from England (honestly).
Having never cooked for twenty people before and having never cooked my 'famous' Irish Stew' before ensured my friday night was wholely devoted to peeling potatoes and wondering why in God's name there was no beef stock anywhere in Japan. But it all worked out well and with my new secret ingredient of Guinness (don't tell anyone) I was confident of a crowd-pleaser. On arrival I dished out the stew and soon after introduced everyone to our traditional medicinal drink 'hot whiskeys'. Surprisingly both the stew and whiskeys went down a treat and a few people even asked for seconds. Everyone really made an effort dressing up in green. Some of the girls had made green jelly/vodka shots and and others had brought green glowstick bracelets for everyone. With bottles of whiskey and baileys arriving by the minute it soon got noisy as voices rose over the Irish jigs.
After a bit of boozing at my place we all dandered over to my little Mama-sans pub. I'd love to talk in detail about the fun we had singing karaoke and mixing with the locals, but to be honest it's all a little blurry. But it was great craic and a St Paddys I'll always remember. Well, at least parts of it.

Dishing out the stew.
Instead of the usual 'Campai' we did a big 'Slante'.Everyone looked great in green.Japanese friends came too.Trinidadians love the Irish.The hot whiskeys kick in.

BELATED

Writing an email the other day; "Happy belated St Paddy's Day", I thought to myself; "What the heck does belated mean?" I didn't use the word 'heck' but the meaning was the same. A little lightbulb came on in my head. Not like a cartoon light bulb with a big flash. No, more like a single christmas tree light, or even one of those low power TV remote control LED lights. And I said to myself, "I wonder, yes, I just wonder, does 'belated' come from 'be late'?"
It briefly made me feel good to have a thought like this. But then it made me feel bad because I thought of two more things.
1. If it comes from 'be late', then why haven't I figured it out before now. And,
2. Surely it can't be that simple. It doesn't seem logical to make new words by joining two old words. Surely that's not right because the past tense should be 'beenlate', and not 'belated'; 'Happy beenlate St Paddy's Day'??? I don't know. So I looked in a dictionary, but that made my eyes hurt and I think the fuse blew and my light bulb popped.

OUT OF MY ELEMENT

The only sounds as I approached were the flags thrashing and the poles clattering in the strong winter wind. I recognised the middle flag. Red on white, the land of the rising sun, Japan. But the neighbouring flags I didn't know. A prefecture flag and a school flag? A town flag, a region flag? Usually there are no flags, but it was graduation day at the elementary school. Another ceremony began. Another 'I don't know what the hell is going on'. Another (poor) attempt at communicating with the parents. Another 'get up on stage and sing with the teachers. Oh, and here's the song sheet (in Japanese)'. Another day when I am totally out of my element, but somehow, appreciating that it's okay to be.

FORGOTTEN FUJI

Cleaning my apartment this week I came across my old camera.
When I got a digi-camera I forgot all about it, and the film inside.
Just got it developed and found some old snaps of Mt Fuji from September.

Sunrise from the top.
'Unkai' - (sea of clouds). The mountain-tops look like islands.
I'm taking this tricolour around the world with me.

MILKIN' IT

"Sensei, when you were young did you drink milk", I just asked my JTE after reading something unbelievable.
"Yes, of course."
"How?"
"What do you mean", she asked in confusion.
"Did you chew it or drink it", I queried, hoping not to be laughed at.
Rather, it was me that burst out laughing when she told me she was taught to chew her milk. I could not believe it. I still can't believe it. I turned to the other three teachers present, two of which were also taught to chew their milk. Wow!

WILL IT EVER END??

God, Lent is taking forever this year. It's never been this hard. Dying for a beer and only twenty days in. At least I've got St Paddy's coming up for an intermission.Note: this photo is from www.google.com

CULTURE SHOCK

During my Wednesday Community Centre visits I mostly play games with the kids. During my second class last week I was reminded yet again of where I am. I was going over some animal flashcards with my class of first, second and third graders.
"Monkey", I'd say.
And "Monkey", they'd reply in unison.
'Oishi?' - (delicious), I'd ask.
And 'No!!', they'd scream out.
This is always good for a laugh and gets the energy up. And I can catch the little rascals out sometimes because they automatically shout 'no' when they see the pig. Until I remind them of their pork lunch that is.
However, this week I was using some different flashcards and was very surprised when I got to whale. The majority of the class called out yes. And despite my protests of 'Oishikunai' - (not delicious), they grew adamantly louder. Although I knew whale was a fairly common food here, I never believed my little angels would be eating it, much less enjoying it. Following further questioning all of the kids in that class have eaten, and very much like, whale. I guess it must be good, but I've no wish to find out.
In the same set of cards there is a dolphin. And I breathed a sigh of relief when they all replied 'No', since this is another 'food' I've had to politely refuse in Japan.

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

Just watched this movie last week.

If you haven't seen it already, you should check it out this week.

Rent it, buy it, download it, steal it, whatever.

It's important.

DO NOT DISTURB

I went to the onsen - (hot spring) last night in hope of some peace and quiet, but that's not what I found.
The nearest onsen to me is two towns away, but well worth the twenty minute drive. Despite being quite busy I still find it very peaceful. Especially when it's snowing or raining, there's really no better way to soak away the stress and aches. So I drove through the flurrying snow in search of some traditional relaxation.
I frequent this particular onsen a lot during winter, but this was the first time I'd seen it so busy. Onsens can be quite sociable places and that often means I'm fair-game for anyone wishing to practice their English (or my Japanese). So in hope of some peace I put on my best 'Do not disturb' face and headed straight for the rotenburo-(outside spa).
There were a half-dozen or so people already soaking in the steaming, therapeutic water. I eased in up to my neck placing my cold towel on my head. Stretching out as the snow gently landed in the water and on the bathers, a man addressed me. "Sensei blah blah blah blah blah blah". Clearly he was not reading my face. But not wanting to be rude I smiled at this friendly old man. I knew I'd never met him before. So I presumed he was guessing I'm a teacher.
"'I'm sorry, what?", I asked.
"Blah blah blah blah blah blah", he replied again. I couldn't understand a single word he was saying, which is poor even by my basic Japanese standards. I guess my blank look of confusion was clear even through the steam and snow because he said once more, with emphasis, "Blah blah blah blah kuni blah blah".
Ahh, kuni-(country), I caught a word, nice one! "Airurando" - (Ireland), I reply, "Kita Airurando" - (Northern Ireland), I elaborate seeing the look of comprehension on his face. Following this he turns to address the other members of our bath party, giving them an account of who I am, what I do, and where I come from.
Then more blah blah's as he turns back to me. I explain I can only speak a little Japanese so he tries harder. I'm warming to this old guy now. But still only picking out a word or two from his streaming, jovial conversation to me. Ah, now I'm understanding. He's seen me on TV. "What", I ask, "Me"?
"Yes", he replies "Uguisuzawa Junior High School ALT", he confirms. Well this was news to me. On TV? Me? God, I hope I wasn't having a bad hair day.
So now that my formal introduction to the other naked men has been completed he attempts to carry on our 'conversation'. "Blah blah blah, blah de blah blah blah".
"Uh-huh, uh-huh", I smile, dopely feigning understanding/interest. But there was no pulling the wool over this guys eyes. He kept checking me, like a good teacher "Understand? Understand?"
He's so friendly I can't carry on pretending. So I finally just say in Japanese that I can't understand a word he's saying, sorry.
During all this, two cool-looking young guys over on the other side where quietly practicing their English and egging each other on. But unable to get a word in with the jovial man jabbering away they were patiently waiting their turn to ask their, by now, well-rehearsed questions.
The elder of two took this moment to chirp up. "Me too", he calls across in Japanese. "I'm Japanese and I can't understand him. It's all inankaben - (country dialect)", he tells me. And not wasting his chance, "My name is Yuuji. What your name?". "Mark", I reply to which he, like all Japanese, instantly change to 'Ma-ku'. This all very much impressed his friend so it was high-fives and handshakes as the friend gave it his best shot too. We chatted briefly in terrible Japanese and English. They were both from Tokyo and big into martial arts.
Whilst talking to the Tokyo gangsters the friendly old man (my new best friend) said his farewells and was replaced by another even friendlier man accompanied by his two young daughters. The young girls shyly stared at me whilst the father started chatting. No need of an introduction this time, he got straight to business. Where are you from, where do you work, where he's from, where he work's, etc, etc. Again, genial and relaxed, I warmed to him right away, forgetting about my dire need to be left alone. This guy was much easier to understand and could speak some English. Working at the city hall he knew some of the people I knew and also the doctor at my towns little hospital. As the snow grew into a little blizzard his glasses steamed up. As he dipped his glasses into the onsen water his two young daughters looked from my face to his and back to mine again with big curious eyes. The Tokyo Gangsters said their (well-rehearsed) good-byes and wished me all the best. Then the, once again, steamy-spectacaled government worker tried getting his four and five year-old daughters to speak English. They weren't having any of it, but no longer shy they were happy to shout out their names and ages in Japanese.
Over an hour had passed already so it was time to say cheerio. Leaving the onsen I felt thouroughly warmed, but also knowing that I need to work on my 'Do not disturb' face.

OLD FARMER

Despite the occasional insults 'pretty boy' and 'metrosexual' (because of my pink shirt), I really am just an old farmer at heart.
I realised this yesterday in preparation for my students graduation. Digging out my one and only suit I got to wondering when the last time I wore it was. This dusty but faithful Burton's suit bought for my Japan job interview two years ago. When was it? Last years graduation? Halloween? I don't know. I really am a farmer at heart. One suit, plain black, for funerals and weddings (and graduations).

SPRING BONSAI

Again there was a bonsai exhibition at my Community Centre. Despite going to every one of the exhibitions held, I'm always very surprised to see bonsais with flowers or with autumn-coloured leaves. Walking into the gym on Sunday I at first thought it was a flower show. The mini-trees were blooming in such an array of bright Spring colours I presumed their were other plants also on show. But no, they were bonsais. The room was filled with beautiful smells and friendly old people (an unusual occurrence). Many of the bonsai owners were just chilling at the back drinking umeboshi tea (a sour plum tea). My tea ceremony teachers were also present in their fancy kimonos dishing out the cups of japanese tea. I proved myself to be the awful student that I am by admitting as I sat down for a cup, that I couldn't remember a single phrase said during the ceremony. Despite my intensive two month training in this art. But Sensei shrugged it off, probably knowing I only ever came to class for the free snacks.my main purpose in studying Tea Ceremony was to get the free snacks.The winner of the Bonsai competition was the same 120 year old specimen that took gold place in the autumn exhibition. Hopefully there'll be some fresh new competition entering this year to liven things up a bit.

Photos: Bonsais in flower (top), The prize-winner (the tree, not me) (middle), Some were little more than stumps with flowers (bottom).

CRAZY STUDENTS, CRAZY TEACHER.

Today was my last time teaching my Junior High School third grade class. They will graduate on Saturday and I will be very sorry to see them go. They're amazing kids and we've had a lot of fun and done a lot of fooling around this last year and a half. At the end of class I told them I wanted to take some photos. Over here everyone always gives the peace sign when they pose. That's really nice and all, but I wanted something different. So for the first shot I let them do their nice pose. But for the second I said 'You have to be bad', and showed them my West Belfast 'Don't mess with me' pose. And lastly I told them to 'Be the lion'. This is a drill I do in class to help them practice their 'R's. They put their hands up like an angry lion and say/shout 'Raaarrrggghh'. This turned out to be my favourite snap and I'll get them all copies as a fairwell present.

PEACE!
BAD BOYS. BAD GIRLS. BAD TEACHER!'
'BE THE LION'