BUT WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

So I'm doing a Japanese test in less than three weeks. Don't ask me why. I'm an idiot I know, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. My initial reasoning was that it would motivate me to study. I also thought passing the test would somewhat justify all the money I spent going to Japanese school last summer.

Well, it's not motivating, nor is it justifying anything. I did a past paper the other day and scored 30%. It wasn't a 'bad test' or 'just not my day' or 'too many careless mistakes'. Rather, I felt I did well getting as many questions correct as I did. The main problem is that I just don't know it. I don't have the knowledge. I know neither the grammar, nor how to use the particles, the verb forms, or the different kanji and how to read them. I've to know 1,500 words and 300 kanji, and probably have less than half that already squashed into my polluted brain. The listening is my weakest point, but I guess I'm also a bad listener in English. Too be completely honest I didn't really know what I was signing up for when I paid my test application fee, I just listened to everyone else (who hadn't even taken the test) saying 'yeah Mark, no problem, go for it'. Cheers!

Well I'm stuck with it now and I'll give it my best shot. Despite all the negativity on this page, I'm feeling optimisitic. Not so much because I think I've a chance at passing, but because I've been studying, and to that extent this whole ordeal has been worth while. Right? Right?