On my four-night Russian train journey I was adamant about staying fairly clean despite my best mate’s earnest promise that 'nobody washes on the train'. So I swallowed my pride, grabbed my towel and headed for the toilet.
Here’s how to stay clean on a long haul Russian train trip.
Materials needed:
-Toilet
-Soap
-Shampoo
-Empty 1.5 litre Russian beer bottle (plastic, not glass)
-Small towel
-A lot of agility
-A little courage
Use a camping knife, pen-knife, sharp spoon or whatever else is available to cut the bottom off the beer bottle. Take all materials to your wagons toilet. Put all above-mentioned materials in a plastic bag and discreetly walk to toilet trying not to attract the Provodnitsa’s (Wagon-attendant) attention. Once inside, lock toilet door.
NOTE: The next steps should be carried out as swiftly as possible without compromising your balance on a slippery floor.
1.Remove plug from toilet floor (should be in the middle under the plastic mat).
2.Strip down to flip-flops.
3.Double check door is locked. If the lock has turned only 45 degrees and not 90, then it is NOT locked. Trust me.
4.Fill beer bottle with tap water.
5.Pour tap water over head. Stand up straight to ensure maximum drippage onto body. Try to ensure no water enters mouth.
6. Shiver and swear.
7.Lather up with shampoo.
8.Fill beer bottle again and rinse. This step may need repeated.
WARNING: Right about now your feet and flip-flops may get very slippery. The train my also be rocking, so be careful. If the train is not rocking, you may be stopped. If so, you are in a bad, bad situation.
9.Lather up with soap. Focus especially on armpits and other hairy areas, you probably need to.
IMPORTANT: You are now in a dangerous and vulnerable situation, so it is good to pray to God/Buddha/Other whilst scrubbing. If the train arrives at a station while you are in the toilet, the Provodnitsa WILL bang on the toilet door until you come out. And if you can neither read Cyrillic nor speak Russian, like me, you will be guessing when is the best time to shower, or using your own invented formula (mine was to go right after a train stop, but this is not 100% full proof).
10.Rinse.
11.Dry and dress
12.Wipe down the area and ensure it doesn’t look like someone had a shower there (so the Provodnitsa doesn't kill you).
13.Return plug to floor.
14.Return to your compartment discreetly and swiftly.
15.Hang towel on curtain rail so it will be dry for next day.
16.Stand in corridor next to open window and enjoy the feeling of freshness while it lasts.
Here’s how to stay clean on a long haul Russian train trip.
Materials needed:
-Toilet
-Soap
-Shampoo
-Empty 1.5 litre Russian beer bottle (plastic, not glass)
-Small towel
-A lot of agility
-A little courage
Use a camping knife, pen-knife, sharp spoon or whatever else is available to cut the bottom off the beer bottle. Take all materials to your wagons toilet. Put all above-mentioned materials in a plastic bag and discreetly walk to toilet trying not to attract the Provodnitsa’s (Wagon-attendant) attention. Once inside, lock toilet door.
NOTE: The next steps should be carried out as swiftly as possible without compromising your balance on a slippery floor.
1.Remove plug from toilet floor (should be in the middle under the plastic mat).
2.Strip down to flip-flops.
3.Double check door is locked. If the lock has turned only 45 degrees and not 90, then it is NOT locked. Trust me.
4.Fill beer bottle with tap water.
5.Pour tap water over head. Stand up straight to ensure maximum drippage onto body. Try to ensure no water enters mouth.
6. Shiver and swear.
7.Lather up with shampoo.
8.Fill beer bottle again and rinse. This step may need repeated.
WARNING: Right about now your feet and flip-flops may get very slippery. The train my also be rocking, so be careful. If the train is not rocking, you may be stopped. If so, you are in a bad, bad situation.
9.Lather up with soap. Focus especially on armpits and other hairy areas, you probably need to.
IMPORTANT: You are now in a dangerous and vulnerable situation, so it is good to pray to God/Buddha/Other whilst scrubbing. If the train arrives at a station while you are in the toilet, the Provodnitsa WILL bang on the toilet door until you come out. And if you can neither read Cyrillic nor speak Russian, like me, you will be guessing when is the best time to shower, or using your own invented formula (mine was to go right after a train stop, but this is not 100% full proof).
10.Rinse.
11.Dry and dress
12.Wipe down the area and ensure it doesn’t look like someone had a shower there (so the Provodnitsa doesn't kill you).
13.Return plug to floor.
14.Return to your compartment discreetly and swiftly.
15.Hang towel on curtain rail so it will be dry for next day.
16.Stand in corridor next to open window and enjoy the feeling of freshness while it lasts.
2 comments:
Greatest blog entry ever... LOL!
Thanks a lot. It was an interesting experience!
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