STUPID UNCLE MARK

One cool thing about living back at home is there are always kids around. My folks are now grandparents and our house seems to have become the stomping ground for everyone under 3 feet tall. My brothers new baby is often here as are my various cousins kids. I love it because there is always some one on my level to chat with and I don't have to try to keep up with the adults. Admittedly though, even the kids make me look stupid sometimes.Earlier this week we were paid a visit by my cousin, her son and her niece. To all of them I'm 'Uncle Mark', but I'm sure I'm more like a second uncle or second cousin or something. I don't know. Anyway, they were having a great laugh playing hide and seek and what-not. At one point someone gave them two cardboard boxes to play in the living room. This is when the fun really began.Recollecting the imaginative fun I had with my cousins long ago, i tried to get in on their game.
'Sarah, what's that you're driving? Is it a car?'
She ignored me and carried on making vrmm vrmm noises.
'Owen, Owen is that a car? Huh, huh? Is it a plane? Can it fly?'
He briefly looked at me. So I threw in a bit of my own imagination.
'Hey Owen, Owen, it that a SPACESHIP?!'
But my dreams of a future astronaut nephew were shattered when the three year old looked up at me and plainly said 'Nah, it's just a box'.
Once again, put in my place.Photos
1-3: Hide and Seek. Even I can play better than them.
4: 'Nah, it's just a box'. Once again I feel very stupid.

LA SHADOW DE EIFFEL

Was in Paris last week for the rugby. Also checked out the Eiffel Tower.

WORDS OF WISDOM

Now when I was a boy
My daddy sat me on his knee
And he told me
He told me many things
And he said sone
Theres a lot of things in this world
Youre gonna have no use for
And when you get blue
And youve lost all your dreams
Theres nothin like a campfire
And a can of beans.

Lyrics from Tom Waits' song 'Lucky Day' from the Black Rider Album.

CHINESE SIESTA

Having an afternoon nap on the busy streets of Xi'an.

GOOD FOR ME??

I've never been so exhausted. Little brother two has been dragging me out mountain biking nearly every day and little brother one has been dragging me to the climbing wall a couple of times a week. I wake up at ten or eleven every day (which I previously thought was impossible to do) and can't even blame jetlag for my laziness since I didn't fly home. I'm sure all this exercise is bad for me.Above: Looking over Newcastle. We cycled up to the quarry in the Mournes and then down through the trails with neither helmets or experience. But I only fell off once :o)

TRANS-SIBERIAN SHOWER

On my four-night Russian train journey I was adamant about staying fairly clean despite my best mate’s earnest promise that 'nobody washes on the train'. So I swallowed my pride, grabbed my towel and headed for the toilet.
Here’s how to stay clean on a long haul Russian train trip.

Materials needed:
-Toilet
-Soap
-Shampoo
-Empty 1.5 litre Russian beer bottle (plastic, not glass)
-Small towel
-A lot of agility
-A little courage

Use a camping knife, pen-knife, sharp spoon or whatever else is available to cut the bottom off the beer bottle. Take all materials to your wagons toilet. Put all above-mentioned materials in a plastic bag and discreetly walk to toilet trying not to attract the Provodnitsa’s (Wagon-attendant) attention. Once inside, lock toilet door.
NOTE: The next steps should be carried out as swiftly as possible without compromising your balance on a slippery floor.
1.Remove plug from toilet floor (should be in the middle under the plastic mat).
2.Strip down to flip-flops.
3.Double check door is locked. If the lock has turned only 45 degrees and not 90, then it is NOT locked. Trust me.
4.Fill beer bottle with tap water.
5.Pour tap water over head. Stand up straight to ensure maximum drippage onto body. Try to ensure no water enters mouth.
6. Shiver and swear.
7.Lather up with shampoo.
8.Fill beer bottle again and rinse. This step may need repeated.
WARNING: Right about now your feet and flip-flops may get very slippery. The train my also be rocking, so be careful. If the train is not rocking, you may be stopped. If so, you are in a bad, bad situation.
9.Lather up with soap. Focus especially on armpits and other hairy areas, you probably need to.
IMPORTANT: You are now in a dangerous and vulnerable situation, so it is good to pray to God/Buddha/Other whilst scrubbing. If the train arrives at a station while you are in the toilet, the Provodnitsa WILL bang on the toilet door until you come out. And if you can neither read Cyrillic nor speak Russian, like me, you will be guessing when is the best time to shower, or using your own invented formula (mine was to go right after a train stop, but this is not 100% full proof).
10.Rinse.
11.Dry and dress
12.Wipe down the area and ensure it doesn’t look like someone had a shower there (so the Provodnitsa doesn't kill you).
13.Return plug to floor.
14.Return to your compartment discreetly and swiftly.
15.Hang towel on curtain rail so it will be dry for next day.
16.Stand in corridor next to open window and enjoy the feeling of freshness while it lasts.

MY NEW FRIEND

Here's a diary exert from my Trans-Siberian journey.
20.08.07

His name was Peter. Or at least that's what he told me when I couldn't pronounce his Russian name. He came into my compartment at 23:00 local time. I was initially disappointed to lose the privacy of a whole four-person compartment to myself, but he quickly won me over with his warmth and eagerness to speak.
Despite his extremely limited English vocabulary he really, really wanted to have a conversation. I showed him on the map where I was from. And explained my journey home. He looked impressed and shook my hand firmly for the third time. Sitting across from me, stripped down to nothing more than what looked to be a thong (but I didn’t look too close), a gold chain and a gold ring on his right hand (where Russians wear their wedding rings), he tried to explain his work to me (I think). With a lot of thumping of the wooden paneling and body language, this forty year old explained that he cleared trees from the forests around Moscow. I confirmed my lumberjack theory by making loud 'vrmm vrmm' noises with my pretend chainsaw and then showing my best axe swing. He nodded approval, but his hands were a bit too soft and nails too clean to be an old school lumberjack so maybe we were on completely different wavelengths.
Anyway, it was great ‘chatting' to him and made me wish I’d brought a phrase book. Next time.

UNCLE MARK

As of eight weeks ago I am an uncle. So far it's cool, and no one has asked me to change her nappy (diaper) yet, so I'm very happy. Here's a snap of little brother giving her a bath in the kitchen sink. Old school.

NEWCASTLE

I've been back home for a week now and so far it's been great. After the initial boozing and catching up with people I have been enjoying Newcastle's nature and unusual (even in summer) good weather. Hiking with friends and cycling with my brother. It's nice to wake up in the same bed and the same country every day after my long trip. Here's a couple of photos and I'll try to take more of where I live soon.

Chillin' at Tollymore Park.
Fat Gazza looking over Newcastle from the Mourne Mountains.
Taking a rest at the river after a mornings riding.
Little brother posing Japanese style at the harbour.

HOME SWEET HOME

I made it home in one piece. Following a train ride from London and boat from Hollyhead I arrived in Dublin on friday. Twenty-five months away from the Emerald Isle and it feels great to be back.